John Myles White: Die Sudelbücher

A man speaks of no subject as ineptly as he speaks of himself.

This world will pass away and my emotions with it will fade. Why should I strive for acceptance or peace of mind?¹

The joy of joys is remember how lucky you are to have the friends you have — simply for what they’ve done with their lives, for the inescapable proof they’ve provided of who they are.

1. Shai Hulud : Hearts Once Nourished With Hope And Compassion : A Profound Hatred Of Man↩

The vigor in my soul won’t stand for this anymore. The potency that is my being is far from ruin, far from silenced and far from death. With severed legs I’d walk with intent to prosper — a body plagued with sickness and still I’d dare to dream. For I can breathe. My blood is fire and I bleed life. The defeatist is dead. No remorse for that man who dies — a sad bitter man whose contempt for himself exceeded his contempt for the world. No remorse for those who broke his spirit — a sad bitter lot whose lack of insight left a man broken, left many broken. The disenchanted led by the frightened, only blessed with the absence of respect. A world enslaved by itself, but one was reborn to conquer. I climb to the crest and strive to climb higher. At the core of my being is vitality that will not die. My blood is fire and I bleed life. My blood is fire.¹

I remember not fully appreciating this song until talking with Matt Fox about it at a concert, when he called it the “song that ended his depression.”

And it is, indeed, the song that most speaks to that part of a human being that is opposed to all depression. It is one of the most eloquent encomiums of the feeling of the energy that pulses within us that I have ever read.

And reading it, I can only say: “if life must always crush those who cannot live, who are we to complain? If we do not like the gift of life, purchased at so high a price, we are always free to return it.”

1. Shai Hulud : The Fall Of Every Man : When One Bests Defeat↩

Begin again as if you never began.¹

1. This Day Forward : In Response : Nouveau↩

Remarkably, we have built a world for ourselves in which a single man, Stanislav Petrov, may have done more good for humanity in a single hour than all other men in the history of the world.

Stanislav Petrov’s Entry On Wikipedia

Twenty three years ago from yesterday, Stanislav Petrov did not inform superiors that his tracking equipment showed indications of a US nuclear attack against the USSR, because he thought the indications were inconsistent with logical military planning. Most importantly, he did not launch counterstrikes, which was the task entrusted to him.

He later found conclusive evidence that the signs of a strike had been erroneous, though commanding officers nevertheless insisted on having his position taken away from him. Despite the censure of his commanders, it is to him that we must offer thanks that humanity was not largely, if not entirely, extinguished from the universe on September 26th, 1983.

I was unaware of his story until yesterday, but I would like to offer my thanks to Stanislav — for having done more good for me than Jesus or the Buddha can claim to have done. I am alive simply because Stanislav did not get caught up in the passions and rages of the Cold War. For that, I salute him as my ideal of the truly good man.

It never ceases to amaze me how I think using quotations, how a thing once said well thereafter becomes for me a permanent means of holding onto a thought — as if with poems, lyrics and aphorisms I might put the truth, that so airy and insubstantial thing, into bottles from which I may draw breath when I should otherwise be stifled.

To believe in the efficacy of our actions may be to indulge a delusion, but it is a delusion that, like the delusions upon which sense perception is built, is required for us to live properly.

But even if this all were true and I were accused of it with good reason, what do you know, what could you know about the amount of self-preserving cunning, or reason and higher protection that is contained in such self-deception — and how much falseness I still require so that I may keep permitting myself the luxury of my truthfulness?… Enough, I am still alive; and life has not been devised by morality: it wants deception, it lives on deception — but wouldn’t you know it?¹

1. Friedrich Nietzsche : Human, All-Too-Human : Preface↩

She rolls her eyes and lights another: “one day I’ll quit these things. They’re killing me.” She blows her brains right out her fucking mouth. “I just don’t know how you do it.” Well, there is nothing in me that you don’t have deep within your fucking self. Yes, the body is weak, but the mind is strong — and it controls the body: you are not a slave and I am not a superhero. The difference between hard and impossible is a thousand miles wide, but that’s not what you want to hear. So you live a lifetime of regret, instead of moments of uncomfort — never knowing how great it feels to be free.¹

1. Bane : Holding This Moment : Superhero↩

The world has turned and left me here, just where I was before you appeared. And in your place an empty space has filled the void behind my face.¹

I think nothing gives me such hope in life as knowing that Rivers Cuomo and Chris Carraba are both happily married.

1. Weezer : Blue Album : The World Has Turned And Left Me Here↩

Time flies and it’s flown away with me this time. All my good intentions taken out by my absent mind. Apologies are far too small when in them arrogance stands tall, so let me throw away my pride, because I have nothing to hide. This is our fight, side by side, reaching out to make this right. No matter how small the chance or how great the task I will try; no matter how long the fall or what’s at stake I’ll aim to fly. Because you’ve shown me what it’s like to live, nowhere to look but up, nothing to hold back, everything to give. Your friendship means the world to me. Maybe we’ll never lose this. Maybe time will make us into memories, but one thing is true, in the end we’ll be glad we gave all we had.¹

Looking back at the last ten years of my life, I think the most important thing I’ve gained is a friend who knows how to live by those words.

1. With Honor : Heart Means Everything : Milwaukee↩