There are two main sources of the desire which is called love: self-hatred and self-love. In self-hatred, one desires the opposite of oneself: the timid, outcast, sensitive woman wants a man’s man who never shows weakness; the woman who feels she has gone so deep into depravity that love is gone for her seeks a sensitive, innocent man. This sort of love is the origin of the adage that “opposites attract”: it almost invariably ends badly. The other sort of love begins with narcissism, loving oneself, cherishing oneself, idolizing oneself: from this, one loves those who are similar to oneself and one most loves those who seem to embody our own ideal mental image of ourselves. This is the foundation of assortative mating and is the real foundation of all healthy relationships: an overpowering love for self that transforms into love for another.
In short, love can either be a means to escape from oneself or to reaffirm and deify oneself — both seemingly vices, but one, the one built on vanity and narcissism, is truly one of the beautiful wonders of our world.
One more point on “self love:” The one who brings out the best characteristics in you adds another dimension to this idea. Loving yourself the most when you are around a certain individual, or because of a certain individual, gives the you the opportunity to transfer those feelings of love to that person. It’s still narcissism, but maybe slightly easier to swallow for those who do not find the idea that loving yourself first is key to any good relationship.
I’m not sure if this contradicts or confirms what you are saying. That old saying about not only loving someone, but loving who you are when with them made me think of that.